3 things you should stop if you have a baby with reflux

Regardless of what anyone says, reflux does go away, by itself …. eventually. Because it is intrinsically linked to the maturity of your baby’s digestive system: the enzymes they produce at birth are not the same as at 2 years of age; their oesophagus need to grow longer, and the strength of the muscle between the food pipe and their stomach needs to develop. And all of these things will happen…. In due course.

I’m here to tell you that you do not need to simply wait it out, or watch your baby, your own health and your relationships suffer. There are things you can do to directly impact the suffering of your little one.

So what are the things you can start doing, and stop doing right now that will change your life, that will change how you look back on these precious months?

You see, I learned the hard way. I have very little to look back on and smile about. I have to look very hard to remember any enjoyment in being a mum for the first 12 months and more. You can be different… first, I recommend you stop doing 3 things:

You do not have a reflux baby, a refluxer, a dragon, a colicky baby or a CMPA baby (cow’s milk protein allergy), you have a baby with reflux, silent reflux, colic or CMPA. This may seem simple, even ridiculous. But you really do see what you say, and create what you see. Your thoughts are not creating this unsettledness, nor are they helping the resolution.

The link between mothers emotional state and a breastfed baby’s state have been well documented. In fact, a study from 1996 stated “early parental emotional support -- acts of caring, acceptance, and assistance -- proved a principal predictor of mental and physical health in adulthood, associations that persisted into the 7^th decade of life”. (Brim et al., 1996).

If you are carrying around a label that defines your baby as a reflux baby, you are defining them as a problem, as a disease. This they are not. By reframing your baby’s suffering as something your baby has rather than something your baby is, will help you find a resolution much quicker, because it does not belong somewhere. It does not have a ‘home’.

Your baby is your baby. The condition of comparisonitis is a serious one. Your baby will never be someone else’s baby. If your ante-natal class friends baby’s are all sleeping through the night at 12 weeks (most of mine were so I know the feeling), yes, you can feel a little jealous, and you can feel disappointed that your little one is up a lot during the night. And you may even feel lonely in these wee hours.

But let me tell you this, that the trust that grows between your baby and you when you are there for them, regardless of whether you can take away their pain or not, is priceless. I have the most incredible relationship with both of my babies, both of whom suffered with reflux and CMPA, year later, and I would not swap that for the world. Other people will have their own challenges.

This is not about judging you, or judging them. This is allowing your baby to be your baby, defined by being their own little person.

I know it’s hard. I also know what it’s like to feel like your doctor thinks you’re nothing more than a neurotic first time mum, paranoid and over protective. I know the hurt inside. I know the exhaustion. Someone else, a partner, a grandparent, a friend, can look after your little one for 30 minutes so you can get some respite.

Someone else can cook the food. Someone else can put away the washing up. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if the saucepans are in the wrong order or kitchen utensils in the wrong drawer?